Illusions to Ashes – “Isomerization” Scene
Below is a scene from the play, Illusions to Ashes by Maria L. Yost. Illusions to Ashes is a full-length prequel to the doomsday spoof, Ashes to Armageddon. In this scene, astronomer Marlow Merlot becomes better acquainted with XYZ Dreams Donor Relations Specialst, Brandi McCourt.
ACT I, Scene 2
(MARLOW looks into a telescope, writes on some note cards, looks again into the telescope and looks through his note cards. He paces as he begins practicing his presentation.)
MARLOW
So…uh…there are a lot of comets out there…in space. Asteroids, too. And…uh…it is quite…uhm probable…that…uhm
(BRANDI enters.)
BRANDI
Hey!
(MARLOW jumps back, startled that someone heard his pitiful speech.)
MARLOW
Oh, hi, Ms. McCourt.
BRANDI:
Brandi.
MARLOW:
Oh, no thank you, I don’t drink.
BRANDI:
Brandi’s my first name, silly.
MARLOW:
Oh, sorry, Brandi.
BRANDI:
Everyone calls you the comet boy, but let me see if I can remember your name.
MARLOW:
Marlow.
BRANDI:
Marlow? Like the writer?
MARLOW:
Well, yes, actually. But it’s also a family name. I’m named after my grandfather.
BRANDI:
That’s sweet. I’m named after my dad’s first girlfriend.
MARLOW:
Oh.
BRANDI:
Just kidding, really I’m named after that 70s song.
MARLOW:
You mean, (sings) “Brandi, you’re a fine girl…”
BRANDI:
(Laughs)Yeah, except I’m Brandi with an “i.”
MARLOW:
An “i,” sounds…interesting. I mean, the “i—”(Flustered, looks at her and turns back to his comet data.)
BRANDI:
I’d like to think my “i” stands for “intellectual.”
MARLOW
Or perhaps “idiosyncratic.”
BRANDI
How about “isotope?”
MARLOW:
Maybe, “inert.”
BRANDI
I’d prefer “inertia”
MARLOW
Oh yeah! Well, here’s a good one, maybe your “i” is for “isomerization.”
BRANDI:
(Shocked that MARLOW mentions that term.) Isomerization? You mean, “A chemical change that involves a rearrangement of atoms and bonds within a molecule, (Beat) without changing the molecular formula?”
MARLOW:
(Momentarily speechless, but exceedingly impressed with BRANDI’s intelligence.) Uh..yeah! How’d you know that?
BRANDI:
It’s chemistry.
MARLOW:
Chemistry?
BRANDI:
Yeah, chemistry.
MARLOW:
I know that, but…
BRANDI:
I’m a biochemistry major at the University of Texas, Austin. Hook em horns! (Does the UT Austin Hook ‘em Horns hand signal.)
MARLOW:
Really? Wow! I just thought you were some MTV hot chick representing XYZ Dreams, whatever that is.
BRANDI:
I’m just not some dumb—Wait, you think I’m hot?
MARLOW
Well, yeah! (Embarassed.) I mean, who wouldn’t?
BRANDI:
Thanks! You know, you’re kind of cute, too, for an astronomer.
MARLOW
What’s that supposed to mean?
BRANDI
Always have your face in that telescope.
MARLOW
Well, I’m presenting my research tomorrow, Comets on the Warpath.
BRANDI
Comets on the Warpath…great name. That’s a start.
MARLOW
A start?
BRANDI
Yeah, Comet Boy, I mean, Marlow. You know, my internship with XYZ didn’t improve my chemistry knowledge, but it’s teaching me a lot about marketing.
MARLOW
What does that have to do with science?
BRANDI
Nothing…and…everything. Marketing is it’s own kind of science, you know.
MARLOW
How so?
BRANDI
Well, you can have all these ideas, but if nobody buys into them, they don’t go anywhere.
MARLOW
So, you don’t think anyone will buy into my comet research?
BRANDI
Not the way it’s going now. You have to create an immediate need in your consumer.
MARLOW
According to my research, the Gallagher II comet might hit Earth in twenty years.
BRANDI
Twenty years? That seems like forever. Gosh, we’ll both be old then! Like Todd! You gotta hone in on what they need now. Are there any comets a little bit close to the Earth right now? (She leands over and peers into the telescope.) You gotta scare people a little.
MARLOW
You mean lie?
BRANDI
I don’t consider it lying, just “capturing public interest.’
MARLOW
The only one I see coming close is the Hale-Bopp comet. Could impact in 1997.
BRANDI
Well, that’s a little closer.
MARLOW
So you think I should focus on the Hale-Bopp comet instead?
BRANDI
For a start, yes.
MARLOW
Oh, well, I better get some more data, then.
BRANDI
Yeah. And, well, stand up straight. Own your presentation. Try to be…dare I say…sexy?
MARLOW
What?
BRANDI
Seriously, Marlow. You know I didn’t get hired by XYZ Dreams for my vast biochemical knowledge.
MARLOW
But your college experience must have helped.
BRANDI
Maybe, but why do you think so many people, specifically men, are visiting my booth?
MARLOW
I don’t know. I mean—
BRANDI
Well, think about it. And, oh, yeah, the reason why I’m visiting with you—I’d like you to come to get tested for our program. If you have the high IQ I think you do, you could get a big incentive for participation, and I could get one hell of a bonus for recruiting you.
MARLOW
You know, I was looking over the XYZ Dreams brochure and I just don’t think it’s something I feel comfortable with.
BRANDI
Just do the test. It’s a challenge! How smart are you? Smarter than me?
MARLOW
I don’t know. Probably. I mean, I’d like to see if I qualify for Mensa.
BRANDI
Well, we’re testing first thing tomorrow! Look, I gotta get back to work. Good luck with that research! (BRANDI exits. MARLOW puts his face back into the telescope.)
MARLOW
Okay…The Hale-Bopp comet.
END SCENE